i am pregnant with a huge child. i can see her writhing through my translucent almost elastic stomach skin. she moves somewhat like a sea monkey and seems to glow slightly. i feel her touching my insides, almost clawing. she is mostly calm but at times i feel that she will tear me open from inside.

i am laying on a table in a busy hospital waiting for labor. peter is around but distracted. i ask him what we will name it if it's a boy. "rexbob" he grins. but i know it's a girl and i want to name her isis. the hospital seems to be part nightclub. people stroll past and glance at me and my writhing, glowing tummy. i'm moderately concerned that i'm going to shit at the same time that i give birth, and i ask about it. my other concern is that people are going to be yelling at me to "push" and etc while i am trying to give birth, and i don't want that, i don't want to tear or be cut either. i ask peter and my mother to make sure no one yells at me while i am giving birth to isis. "i don't want it to be so jarring and loud" i say. i am scared and excited. at some point i look up, frustrated with being in a hospital, and declare that i am not in labor and my water hasn't broken yet and hence i am going home. secretly i know i'm leaving so i can have isis at home, in peaceful surroundings. peter and i walk home together, he guides me through a maze of red brick hallways connected by archways and filled with sourceless sunlight.

throughout the dream i bonded deeply with the idea of giving birth to isis and when i woke up i felt sad that she was not here. i felt my stomach in the darkness, confused at the absence of a glowing baby.