elly.org / journals

June, 2008

June 10, 2008 - 1:00pm

yearning

ever since i discovered that i am a yearner, i have been wondering just what it is i am yearning for.

June 11, 2008 - 9:22pm

dream:

i am returned to savannah, where i'm visiting with old friends. time has passed, but they look the same as they were when i lived there with them. we sit in their living room, and i put kisses all over their faces for a long time and with great care. then, i explain how the trim, the floors, the walls, the views, are all the same as san francisco, but there was no way i could have known before i left savannah that it would all be the same in california. they argue with me about every detail i compare and i am forced to admit they're right, nothing is the same at all.

i get up to go outside, and once there, i discover that the house we've been sitting in is built on top of a delta where two rivers meet and become one. i look at the rushing river make its exit from somewhere under the house and curve through an incredibly lush majestic forest. when we go around back, there's a meadow filled with a multitude of small, abandoned, worn wooden houses. they seem to have been placed completely uniformly, and each of them is on fire. they are all rather close to where we are standing on a balcony looking at them. it seems dangerous, but my friends are unconcerned. as i wake up they are beginning to consider calling the fire department.

June 26, 2008 - 1:59pm

thomas ben millican

my grandaddy millican died a little while ago.he had the most beautiful mountain accent i'd ever heard in my life. he played the banjo and guitar, he made guitars and was a carpenter. he wore suspenders to hold his pants up over his belly. he fed stray forest dogs and after he was made to move to florida, he "made pictures" of the ocean. he told me amazing stories of seeing supernatural creatures dancing in the forest and ghostly white dogs at the foot of his bed in the night. he always called me darlin, and he'd been very very sad since my grandma died a few years ago. i hadn't seen him in ages, which i regret. i'm still negotiating my relationship to my extended family and to the south.

i'll always think of my grandad as he was when he lived on the mountain in pisgah alabama. losing him feels like a real loss of a generation, a certain type of country living hillbilly that you just won't find anymore. i loved him and i am incredibly proud to have come from a family with him in it.

June 30, 2008 - 5:16pm

me, 1982


many more here. my mother scanned in a bunch of old pictures!

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