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03 February 2005; 12:09 AM

phil 4

taking "intro to knowledge" at ccsf. turns out to be mostly analytic philosophy. it's ok - not as horrifying as green's critical thinking class. which i dropped after one session. but something about being in the class, amongst cocksure young men who enjoy arguing that there is no God, well, it fills me with a sense of my duty in life. a sort of adverse opposite reaction to all of the logic and reason. thoughts come to me like "i just want to put more love into the world," as they are talking about these concepts of true and false. i enjoy learning the things, plus it serves to remind me of my own path.

the horrible cough i've developed keeps me from sleeping, and causes me to think about my perpetually challenged throat chakra. various health indicators point to a spiritual lack of art, or lack of self expression. before, i would have expected myself to paint or make visual art along those lines. and i do consider that and enjoy that. tonight in the bath i was curious about the possibility of academic output (writing) as a way of satisfying the begging emptiness of the second and fifth chakras. as they work together in my mind and give me trouble. the fifth most of all, these days. vishudda - expression. as a connection to spirit. energy is trapped and angry there. and connected, poetically, to the fibroid.

also there is this thing about needing to wear something around my neck. i guess since this entry is what it is already, it won't make it any worse if i say: i wonder if there is some stone i could wear that would help. should email megan, who knows these things, and who i think of often.

considering facing down the sheldrake paper.

spent some time on the deck talking to astrid. i feel great about her being my neighbor.

now maybe i will sleep sitting up... since laying down causes the coughing. the sleep deprivation is starting to really get to me.