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09 April 2005; 10:48 PM

when everything is so beautiful and you just want to be a part of it

i got diane diprima's memoirs today. i am looking forward to reading them.

recently i read a friend of mine's lowfi internet journal where he documents a good thing about every single day. this continues to inspire.

i bought a new tangible journal. wrote some ideas down in there. something about sewing, something about voice lessons.

saw sean hayes the other night. he brought a friend up on stage who beat boxed. it was truly beautiful.

oliver tells me that he saw the face of a friend of ours in many people at a street party in paris. i had felt like i saw her in the mannerisms and style of a random woman i saw on the sidewalk last week. i postulated that maybe she just has one of those kinds of faces.

i went back to therapy.

i read something new about the meaning of the moon in an astrological chart. you can interpret it as "i come from a line of women who..." then fill in the meaning. been thinking about that. heidi tells me moon opposition jupiter is a mother transit. have definitely been feeling trapped by the legacy of my mother.

my neck seems to crack a lot. going to see chiro/healer/etc on tuesday. before therapy. should be awesome.

i seem to be missing many parts of myself. but i can't remember if they were ever there or if i always just wished for them to be. parts like: being gentle, loving trees, being a devoted lover, having trust in the universe.

i have been doing some research on communities for a paper for school. i've narrowed my topic down to how communal societies deal with money. i'm interested in how twin oaks thrived while the farm was plagued by poverty. the key, i think, is that the farm had too many dependents and accepted too many members without screening or structure. they didn't work but had to be fed. imbalance.

the san francisco library is a living room for homeless people. i feel angry with myself for resenting that. it's a public space and i want people of all walks of life to be able to go there and benefit from it. it is a sorry state of affairs, however, when the library is one of the only places homeless people can hang out, and its bathrooms the only ones they can wander into and have a shit.

additionally, today the library contained a truly disgusting old man who was hacking and wheezing so loudly that i could not concentrate anywhere on the same floor as him. i understand that people are sick and cannot help it, but it is really unpleasant to hear wet sneezes and extended phlegmmy coughs every 30 seconds. stay home!

that's all for now.