08 May 2005; 01:38 PM
leaving water on while you go in the other room to be on the phone
i am having all these really complex thoughts about the meaning of the second and fifth chakra, the meaning the third house ruling the voice and driving, and my chart specifically with regard to those things. also something about the fibroid being a hard mass of unexpressed art. i'm also writing a paper right now so my mind is working in a more structured manner than usual, so i can't really express the mystical details of my life with any poetic ability. so, i will just report some things that happened in the past few days:
yesterday, i had my first voice lesson. i am really really excited because i feel like having voice lessons is the most correct decision i've made for myself in a long time.
after my lesson i went and met heidi at the farmer's market in the ferry building. it was a beautiful sunny day. she scored me a free coffee. oliver showed up, looking hot from bicycling, with his gloves on. we all journeyed to north beach where we ate fried dumplings that made us sleepy. then i went home and had a perfect nap.
i have a new handbag that's a real honest to god grownup ladies handbag, and i carried it yesterday for the first time. it's rad but i have two concerns:
- i'm smelly, and i carry it in my armpit. it's going to start to smell.
- what if i leave it somewhere? last night during my nap i had a bunch of dream vignettes where i left the handbag in different places.
...
on thursday we went to see hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and i finally know where all those jokes and references come from!
last week i saw egg and nick and eve and wb and more for thai dinner in oakland... i wore my new hat and eve and i had a great conversation in the car on the way home. oliver and i sent about a million text messages.
that same night i also saw (heard) diane diprima and charlie anders read at the RADAR reading series in the sf public library. it was good, i felt connected to the idea of writing and making art. sometimes seeing artists in that audience/performer format causes a weird feeling of alienation or discouragement, but it didn't do that.
...
last night, i slept tensely but happily. i had some coffee near bedtime so i was a little amped and kept waking up all tense. but i liked it because i could pet oliver and tuck the blankets over his shoulders, then sleep some more. strangely, i woke up at 3:30, just in time to feel the earthquake
that happened at 3:35. heidi and i had just been talking about earthquakes earlier in the day, so i was a little freaked out. i also just finished reading a big article about them in san francisco magazine. some preparations need to be made:
- need to get some bottled drinking water in the house
- need to make sure i know where yoko's carrier is
i know where the gas main shutoff is.
like with every earthquake i've felt here, by the time i figured out what was happening and formulated a plan, it was over.
...
it's been a really pleasant and wonderful weekend, and i feel safe and happy with myself and my goals and desires. the world is opening up for me in a gentle and ongoing way that i can only associate with adulthood.
today, it rains. i work on paper, give myself permission not to leave the house or clean anything. permission to just work and do, not feel angst and ennui about matters i have no ability to have perspective on.
reminder: drink a lot of water, eat a lot of vitamin b.
