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28 May 2005; 10:36 PM

your dorky friend

i left the house, had some coffee. a little too much maybe? carnaval was going on down on harrison street. it pissed me off because i woke up to the sounds of the parade. it made me have dreams that there were star search auditions going on in my backyard.

i got harassed by drunk people on the street three times during the walk to coffee and the bus. once would be normal, i guess. i don't always get harassed by men on the street, not every day, but i'd say at least once a week i do, in my neighborhood. i never know what the hell to do about it. i can't talk back to them, because of the slim chance that the person is a really bad person who will actually hurt me or assault me. though in new york i would occasionally give the finger to people who cat-called from cars. sometimes the way guys leer at me is to give me a compliment ("hi, beautiful"), then act all offended like i'm a bitch when i ignore them ("what, you can't smile? you can't say hi?"). there is no good way to respond, no matter how feisty and strong of a woman you are, the only response is meek silence. it makes me so angry to be forced into that position.

other things from today:

i went to my voice lesson. it made me happy. we sang knockin on heaven's door. i laughed a lot. i learned some things - it helps my confidence to be there. then i shopped for a long time and made purchases. then i felt guilty about that for a while, then i got over it.

now i'm hanging around looking at the internet and listening to music. i tried to play harmonica along with dylan for a while which was really hilarious.

i'm feeling a lot better than i was when i last posted. once i was out of the house it was ok. i'm worried about being so unhappy all the time, but maybe i should just stop worrying about it and doing other stuff instead.