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19 July 2005; 12:55 PM

hoooooop

so last night was the first hoop class. it's very performance oriented which of course scares the pants off of me. there was a jam at the end where everyone goes into the middle of the circle and does their thing. i thought i would pee. and of course after i "got it over with" i immediately started beating myself up for "sucking" or whatever. but later when i thought about it i realized that it's just practice and learning, and it's ok. i did two things that i wouldn't have done before.. tried for an interesting entrance/exit, and made eye contact with people in the circle. so maybe it wasn't a spectacular performance but it was progress. definitely making me think about what 'performance' means and what it means to be oneself in front of an audience.. to really be honest and express yourself while people are watching. it's pretty scary and hard, but seems important to play with that idea even if i don't have natural talent or inclination.