30 December 2007; 09:38 AM

this morning's dream

i'm in new york. i took some melatonin last night to fight off jetlag. the result was that around 8am this morning, i had a really really long dream that was just the same but lasted forever. the dream was: i'm laying in a wooded grotto near the ocean in cape cod (??). i'm laying on a pile of dirt, sleeping. the ocean laps against my feet in their boots. next to me, her back to me, there's a girl on a computer. sitting at a cheap pine computer desk. she must be me but she's not really me. she's typing, ignoring me as i lay there being lapped by the ocean. this goes on. the sun sets. it's night. it's day. this goes on.

04 December 2007; 01:38 AM

wow

i just really haven't been updating this at all. it seems almost impossible now. so much has changed and i don't know how to express it here.

maybe it's time to move on to other projects? maybe saturn return is the harbinger of the end of this particular chapter of self expression? maybe i just need to move the old entries around, redesign, and start with a fresh page? maybe twitter is to blame, stealing my inspiration and compacting it into tiny updates there?

as of today there's 1083 entries in here (not counting things written on swinney.org, livejournal, and suicidegirls), and the oldest is 11 years old. i've lost the early ones from savannah, before i was 19. bummer. but... yes. my life from 19 to 30. how insane. i guess i could feel a little pathetic for doing this for so long, but i don't, i feel awesome.